we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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