So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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