You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
