Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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