I am in a vortex of obligation.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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