Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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