it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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