That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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