I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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