if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
