One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
