I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He better not be in your backpack
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
