never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
