Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
