If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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