dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
