i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
