Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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