4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
