the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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