Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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