dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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