I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
