I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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