You can't special order awesome
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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