I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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