And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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