And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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