you didnt know i had herpes?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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