Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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