I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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