a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
