The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
