I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
