Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
