Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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