Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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