I puked a lego.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
