You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
