you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I love you. Go after that dick
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
