I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
