Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
