the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
