He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
