Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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