Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
