also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
