Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
