Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
