wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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